Saturday, 5 December 2009


why is it that i struggle more with food and keeping myself under control at the weekends?

Why is it i raid the cupboards and fridge when Mum & D aren't looking? Yet when i'm home alone during the week i can control myself to not eat things i shouldn't go near?

i look like i'm 3 months pregnant still. There was a stand today in town advertising a local gym and they were doing BP reading too. 123/75 I think thats the highest BP reading i've ever had. Something else that needs to be sorted - probably caused by the weight gain. Anyway the gym membership is £26 per month for unlimited classes and access, plus 2 free tanning sessions a week plus access to the sauna. They don't have a pool but right now i can't go swimming anyway.

Monday morning i am going to go down there with one of the free passes i got given today and get myself back into a routine.

Mum suggested the pregnant look was down to the fact i was wearing clothes that i bought when i was a "size zero" as she put it. Trouble is i have either put those clothes in the spare bedroom or thrown them away. Last week she tired to put it down to the wound on my stomach say that my stomach was "unwell". If only it was that. The more and more i think about being out of action after this operation if i have it - the less i want to go ahead with it, even if it does mean an open wound for another couple of months.

I'd rather be size zero than this. i honestly would.

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