Monday, 21 December 2009

Mistake after mistake

  • pathetic fell apart mid morning and ened up calling mum and meeting her for lunch (although spotted an email at D's work from her to him which said "SB just invited herself to lunch - to say goodbye?")
  • Now sitting on the sofa in the lounge trying to do as she wants. Have said i'll see whatever professionals, but have made it clear i'm doing it for her, and don't personally see the point. As i said to her, what ever i do, i'm going too hurt her, whether i stay or go.
  • Have over eaten on a large scale - even by normal persons' standards.
  • Started with grapefruit, 3 mini clementines, skinny hot chocolate, dutch crisp bake with spread, a small sharon fruit, about 3 little chocolates (M&S truffle type choccies), mincepie while i went out to deliver pressies to the boss & try and get something for mum. The lunch at Cafe Nero, toasted mozarella, tomato & basil panini. Bought a bit of bread pudding from Greggs after leaving mum and getting some nuts for the birds. Went to D's work, stayed there for an hour and a half. Came home in the heavy snow & had a bowl of fruit & fibre, skinny hot choc. A mini mandarin, 2 chocolate truffles, handful of salted cashews. Dinner of a leftover jacket potato, 5 sprouts, blue cheese, the potato shells filled with double gloucester cheese, half a courgette, some brocolli & cauliflower. Bowl of light walls icecream with baileys, 3 squares of milka chocolate, another small sharon fruit & skinny hot choc.
  • AND I STILL FEEL HUNGRY!!! well kind of. my stomach is so bloated and full, it almost hurts, yet my brain feels almost empty and hungry still. How do i stop it? am i hungry? whats going on?
  • Probably another mistake was ordering somethings online which i though would help stop me from overeating, but i know if i'm not careful could get me in a lot of trouble, and even more if mum ever finds out i have them!! I just have to make sure i'm in control.......

So three main mistakes......Playing along with life, Eating too much (don't feel like its over yet) & ordering contraban online.

I think there may be a 4th mistake in the form of harm tonight too. I'm not sure i will settle without something to focus on.

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