Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Shopping and EDs don't mix

I have a wedding to go to in July. I have been vaguely looking for a dress, and today whilst entertaining our visitors at a big shopping centre i found something that was almost looking OK. But i called mum in to see what she thought.

She loved it on me, saying i look elegant, grown up, mature, stunning etc etc.

"You should know by now that i don't bother lying to you anymore" She said. "Yes you do have a stomach" as in a stomach that shows as a bump with tight clothing "But so do i"

I got annoyed telling her she had a 30 year head start on me with that one & that at 23 i should look like i am pregnant!

I didn't buy the dress then, but went back later on, just to see if it was still there. Mum followed me in & even though i was still undecided & close to tears, she went ahead and bought it, telling me i can return it if i decide i really don't want it. This is not a cheap dress at £75. So not only will i be wasting money if i don't wear it or return in within the 28 days unworn, but i will be wasting HER money.

Cue some comfort eating - a large soft pretzel from The Bread Shop.

She suggested some tummy control tights which i thought might do the job, but when i got home and tried a pair of hers on with the dress, i still looked pregnant! Cue floods of tears, a few sit ups (before i simply collapsed into tears again) & later lots of comfort eating - large portions of slices of 2 cakes (fruit & lemon drizzle) on top of pudding (banoffee tart).

I think my gym efforts need to be seriously stepped up when i get back there next week.

I told mum i'd let her pay for the dress & i'd pay for the liposuction. Her words were "don't you dare!" I said it rather flippantly but i think she knows with me these days that actually i could/might do anything and to take anything i say, semi seriously.

In 10 hours time we need to be leaving the house to get the train to London for the next day out. I still feel so on edge though, as though i want to comfort eat some more. Thing is, i actually feel physically full & don't feel physically hungry. Which then leaves me with the other punishment option/choice - harming. I'll see once i get up to my room.

2 people had something to say about this:

Bippidee said...

I am really sorry you have had such a hard day. That must have been horrible.

Would you feel more comfortable in a dress that was looser? Or something you could wear a belt with? Wide belts are great for pulling in tummies!

You have until July to find something, so if you don't feel comfortable with this you don't have to keep it. I am sure it looks gorgeous on you, but if you don't feel good in it then it doesn't matter what other people think.

xxxx

Susie said...

Trouble is, mum liked it so much i'll feel really bad if i take it back. The tights i tried on are a size to big according to the packet, so i'll get some a size smaller and see if that hides the bulge anymore.

"I am sure it looks gorgeous on you, but if you don't feel good in it then it doesn't matter what other people think."

Thank you!!!! i tried so hard to explain this to mum saying it would be pointless if i was crying all day. She was saying how no-one would look at me & everyone would be focussing on the bride - so you go to a wedding and are blind to everyone else except the bride? i don't think so. You may not look in detail but obviously things like pregnant looking tummies will still show! And it doesn't stop the paranoia which is trebelled (at least) when you have an ED.

 
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