Monday, 22 March 2010

Someone to confide in

I need to talk to someone. I cannot take keeping all this stuff inside of me. There is so much going on in my head, too much to deal with simply in diaries & blogging.

But this person needs to be trusted (which narrows is down a lot). I don't want to talk to a 'professional', who is going to write our conversation down or tell someone else. I just want someone to listen to me, share the burdens of my thoughts & fears, not to judge me & for me to know they are not going to tell more people.

I did have that once, when i was about 13 @ school. I wish i could see/talk to her again. She still lives in my village but i know she has a job with a local drug & alcohol service. I trusted her so much & still would today. She was the first person to recognise the depth of my sadness, aged 13 & tell me i was not just a moody teenager.

If i talk to M, Terry Pratchett, Dr L, K or even J, i know my words are destined to be written down, passed around, cause concern etc etc. I do not want that. I want someone to let me shed the tears behind my eyes until there are no more, instead of the brief leak once or twice a day when no-one is watching.

I want exclusive confidentiality which MH Services (or GP surgeries) do not give. So i guess i'm on my own.

3 people had something to say about this:

cbtish said...

I think it's very likely that the woman you confided in at 13 would let you talk to her again — just once, at least, and maybe more than that.

Also, that exclusive confidentiality is exactly what Samaritans do: 08457 90 90 90

Amy-Louise said...

I know you don't know me at all but I have been a huge follower of your blogs for a while now, and although my blog is privatised (you may read if you wish) I understand and totally relate to your problems and issues.

If you ever want someone to talk to, you still have your online friends here. I feel exactly the same and could use some wise words and a friend myself, so if you want to talk to someone, email me - and I will do my greatest best to provide a supportive ear.

Hope everything is okay,
Amy-Louise xxx

Susie said...

CBTish - I did bump into her in the village a few years back & she said to me then that if i ever needed a friend to call her. Which i did do on one occassion - to ask her to find a phone number for the local samaritans for me, in our village magazine, But i don't think she was including counselling in that offer.

The Samaritans i have used many times in the past in moments of crisis, But this isn't a crisis (yet) its just the bi black hole dragging me down.

Hi Amy-Louise, thank you for reading.

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