Thursday, 1 April 2010

How to offend your guests

I went to college today (and cried my though the class - but thats another story) and while i was away from my control zone (home) Mum's cousin started making soup.

Potato & leek - that's ok i thought, then mum started blending it for her in the kitchen a second ago - with FULL FAT MILK!!

AGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I'd finally got my head around the fact that we were going to eat out yet again tonight - but it seems while i was out they changed the plans. So now I'm already eating a different main course to them. They're having salmon fillets. Although i eat fish i generally only eat white fish & shellfish. The Susie Belle rule book says oily fish can only be eating with lettuce leaves & cucumber (or other items that will not greatly increase the calorie content of the meal). And now i'm going to offend them by not wanting the soup.

So now i'm sat on the sofa between the daughter & D, praying that they will respect me and not peer round the corner of the laptop screen. I really need to go and sob my heart out. I need someone to give me a hug but there is no-one. I can't tell mum how much distress all this is causing me, i need to try and convince her as best i can because i can't give her the extra pressure of worrying about me.

However sitting in class taking a couple of painkillers this afternoon (just in case i decided to go to the gym, even though i spent 12 hours in london yesterday - mum's pedometer read 21,000 steps at the end!!), i sat there fighting the tears, wondering if anyone would notice if i took another 2 (extra/double strength) pain killers, and then another two...... i wondered if anyone would notice if i finished the last 8 in the packet....

I really can't do this. But i if leave the house (to go for a walk & bawl my eyes out) it will be too obvious. Guess i'll just have to wait until i go to bed. Which is at least 3 hours away..... I wish my appointment with J was sooner, not the 12th, I need some comfort, although i'm sure i'll still be just as fucked up & emotional in 10 days time.

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