Tuesday, 21 April 2009

too much? too little? where's the middle ground?

I think i may be close to finding it. Today is the most successful morning i've had, all i need to do is continue it until i go to sleep tonight.

Food wise, i'm talking about here.

  • 2 large bowls of cereal (1 tesco healthy living museli and branflakes, the other tesco healthy living museli and maple and pecan crunch)
  • an apple
  • a banana
  • half of one of my 95g portions of dried fruit.

wow! Nope, i lie. i had 2 squares of dark cooking chocolate - it's ok there's only about 4 squares left now.

I cycled a total of 18 miles this morning, with a couple if hills i had to push the bike up. My thighs aren't quite that strong yet. i went to a supermarket to get a pot noodle (to cross off my craving list) and picked up a bunch of soft ripe bananas too because the apple hurt my throat quite a bit this morning and i can't eat citrus right now because the acid causes even worse pain. Anorexia is still there with me i guess, or could i class a bike ride to counteract something more unhealthy not as disordered eating but as healthy living?

A strange thing happen while i was sitting eating my fruit mix and banana at tesco. This little old indian lady, whose english wasn't brilliant, asked me how much i weighed. when i boldly said i didn't know as i was recovering from anorexia, i'm not sure she understood me, or if she did i'm not sure she grasped the concept of anorexia as she continued to ask questions. she said she was losing weight and it was almost like she wasn't sure how much she should weigh. Maybe it was the language barrier but some of the questions really sounded like they were coming from someone with an eating disorder.

"Do you think you are slimmer than me?" she asked me. Well, no i didn't but then i haven't got a clue how distorted my views of size are any more. Then her taxi arrived and without another word she followed the driver who had picked up her shopping for her.

A most bizarre conversation.

oh well. i'm off to see if chicken and mushroom pot noodles are how i remember them.

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