Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Reassurance from other bloggers

Carrie over at ED Bites has posted something which contained words i really need to hear right now in a post about avoiding false choices

"I never eat cookies because I will eat the whole box.
I've been there. When I was first normalizing my eating after falling into more bulimic habits, I found that, indeed, keeping large quantities of binge foods around the house was a really bad idea. But now I can keep these foods around and eat fairly normal servings. It's not an either/or question. A happy medium exists. It takes time to figure this out, but it's definitely possible."

I feel fat as ever this morning, my cheeks feel like hamster pouches, my stomach feels like i'm pregnant and i'm actually too scared to get on the scales. i just want to hug mum and hang on forever but if i show her that side she just tells me "no-ones forcing you to go" which really doesn't help matters. Just because i'm crying doesn't mean i feel i'm being forced.
But sitting here crying now because i don't want to go means I need to remind myself of what happens when mum and D have left and gone to work and what happens if i'm on my own right now. I mean it was happening at 11pm last night with them in the house! I NEED to do this. even if i cry all the way there. Its going to be radio blasting and foot on the accelerator and i hope it works out.

I've got to give it a try. but first i need to make it in and out the supermarket to get my salad bits for dinner WITHOUT buying and eating a packet of hot cross buns for example. Self Control. I don't really need 6 hot cross buns! I don't need to buy the easter egg just because it is reduced to clear! Normal Eating is the aim of this weekend. One cake a day, thats all most normal people would have.

i need to get moving and get in the shower. wish me luck.

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