Thursday, 23 April 2009

Failure or lucky escape?

So much for my cycle ride. I got to the next village and had to give up. Luckily it was about the time the bus was due, so i chained my bike to a post and walked to the nearest bus stop. The laptop, plug and lead, my picnic and £6 worth of pennies and 2p coins was heavier than i expected. I got to the edge of the village and burst into tears. I felt depressed, alone and once again i wanted my mum. That pathetic little child feeling.

So do i count this as a failure? Or just a lucky escape from the punishments of anorexia?

On the up side (or at least from the control point of view, so possibly not so good from the real logical point of view) I managed to stick to one large bowl of cereal this morning. and i have my grapes, and due to phoning mum in tears (yet again) i should be able to stick to my sandwich and fruit as it is all already made. The negative to this is really one of my reasons for cutting back - hopefully to try and lose some of the stone i've gained. I can't believe my weight and i feel so disgusted with myself. Its done a good job of killing my appetite though.

Must dash if i'm to get the bus back, just thought i'd try out the wifi in the local library. IE works but not messenger it seems. Perhaps i'll learn more when i have more than 10 mins to have a go with it!

time to get the bus back to my bike, cycle home as fast as i can then drive like a manic to meet mum - sounds like just the thing i'm in the mood for, which means i probably shouldn't do it! never mind!

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