Tuesday, 27 April 2010

reasons not to see a psychologist

i have 6 (or is it 7?) of them right now. put there by a doctor, with the help of a nurse - and actually my help too because the light was broken to i held it up & stopped it hitting them on the head. I would have fixed things myself & went asking for them to simply give me the things i needed to fix myself, but they wouldn't let me & simply took the 20 mins out of their appointments to do it for me.

I could have sworn Susie (yes we're both called susie) had a tear in her eye as i left. I was crying as she was saying how she wish i could just meet a nice young man and live happily ever after. She said she felt of when she realised she'd been picking up my pieces over the last 10 years.

I was more upset that i didn't want things to go back to how they were 10 years ago, when i was needing their help every week. But i've agree to go back and see Susie in 10 days & she made me appointment with K for friday - its time to stop kidding myself. Maybe the appointment today wasn't such a bad thing - maybe it was time for me to let go and show how much i'm holding inside.

However mum does think i actually found it ok today - little does she know! because i am seeming quite cheerful. I think i may be overacting a little too much.

Susie & the doc did say i should give my 4 hours at the gym a rest tomorrow - but my 6/7 reasons survived a jog tonight so as long as i'm careful - plus once i've done some shopping tonight online i can always replace them if there are any problems.

Sorry if its cryptic but i can't even type things honestly - i don't want to admit it - plus i still feel i can't type the truth with mum & D in the room, even though they are eating dinner & paying no attention to me, and haven't a clue what i'm typing!

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