Thursday, 22 April 2010

More things to panic/stress/worry/cry about

Signed up & payed for the exams today - all i need now is a note from my GP (and some diazepam too i think). Woman at the finance window heard me chatting the girl i've got to know best (we both just been to see the student support lady)

"Everyone who comes to the window to pay for an exam has been saying exactly the same thing. Don't Worry."

Yeh, sure. Do you know me, lady-at-the-finance-window? Do you know how my previous exam attempts have ended? Do you know what happened when i started this course? Do you know how easily i loose control of my mind? Do you know how scared i am of myself?

"Yes, but i'm not sure everyone reacts to things in the way i do."

Was all i replied, as my mind wandered back to my GCSEs and 2 attempts at AS levels, at 2 different schools.

As i said to one of my class instructors at the gym:

"As long as i know what i'm doing, i don't care. Even if it means lots more crying, as long as i'm in control, i don't care."

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