Monday, 26 January 2009

A Short Trip to Switzerland

I came upstairs to bed to watch this last night after a long day visiting my grandparents, leaving mum and D downstairs also watching BBC1. I was tired and emotional already, and we all knew what the programme was about (euthanasia) and with a star like Julie Walters playing the lead role, i wanted to watch it all the more. So why were we so suprised, when the programme finished at 10.30pm and mum came upstairs, to see each other in floods and floods of tears? Why did we both bother to dry our eyes before facing each other?

It created a common link/excuse between us, and apparently D was almost in tears too (his mother has been hit by various tumors and cancers including in the brain and bladder, although fortunately all have been caught in time.). So mum came in, sat on the edge of my bed and we had a long hug whilst both sobbing away. I fear we were both thinking about the same thing - my shoulder blades. I was so conscious that as she was stroking my backing that there they were protruding. Was she consciously tracing the contours of my shoulders blades or was it just coincidence? Were these thought going through her head as we sat there? Or was the thought about the issues of suicide and my past history the subject that was foremost in her mind?

The thought that i was left with - Is anorexia my "short trip to switzerland"?

We watched half of Dancing on Ice before bed to lighten our moods so as we would sleep more peacefully, question is, can we both get through the day with having last night's loser revealed to us?

Seeing K today. as per usual, not looking forwards to it.

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