Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Confession Time

I've told her. I admitted (almost) everything to mum. I confessed to the medication. I mentioned M's talk of refering me to the ED unit again. But i also confessed that i feel no reason to eat more, no reason to gain weight. I feel fine physically other than a little tired.

M said to me about my low mood. Now i know low weight can cause depression but lets look back at my history over the last 10 years. There hasn't been a year when i haven't had a depressive episode and its only during the last 2 years that i've stayed out of hospital for the whole of the year. And this time the depression is, right now, not as bad as it has been. Things were worse than this before Christmas in fact.

It's even harder to eat when you genuinely don't feel hungry due to depression. so far today i've had a pomegranate (i was fed up of spitting out the pips by the end - i don't think i'll buy any more), a pear and a mandarin. i have a bowl of soup (beetroot) defrosting, but i don't have any appetite for it. There's 2 hours before D and then mum get home, 2 hours in which to consume the soup.

Anyway mum's going to call M tomorrow. Maybe a miracle will come out of their conversation. Here's hoping.

2 people had something to say about this:

Lola Snow said...

This post has really made my day. Kudos to you for talking to her, that was not an easy thing to do, and you really should give yourself some credit for facing this issue. You have definitely done the right thing Suzie, I hope somewhere underneath all that depression and ED fog you realise that you've just done something incredibly brave?

Lola x

Susie said...

i fear incredibly foolish not brave, as you'll see from the next post.


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