Saturday, 31 January 2009

Can't Cook, Won't Cook

Why, just because you aren't a gourmet cook, does that then mean that you can't even step foot in the kitchen? Please indulge me here i need to have a rant and a rave - and its not even about the issue of food!

Everynight D comes in and sits down before dinner, either on the sofa or upstairs on his PC. He gets home before mum normally, who will come in at 6pm, have a brief sit down and a drink and then get on and start cooking dinner and i will start cooking mine.

We used to have a system where i would give mum a night off and cook their dinner as well as mine, which gave her a chance to have one night a week off and also i'd find something that took a little more effort and time for them too. That time that mum doesn't really have, and certainly when she gets in, she doesn't have the energy to do after a full day at work. The idea then was that D would "cook" one day a week too. I say "cook" like that....well, bascially because he can't! Some nights he's served up a jacket potato that was even cooked through! When he lived on his own, he lived off microwave/ready meals or tins and packets with a bit of veg thrown in somewhere along the lines but probably frozen rather than fresh.

He really has never had it so good. Mum (or I, if mum has over slept, david has had a hypo in the night, or has to be in work early) gets up and makes his roll for lunch, getting a slice of bread out of the freezer for his toast at the same time. Weekdays he has cereal and toast for breakfast, well we've covered the toast but he does get his own cereal out of the cupboard, and even dishes up some museli for mum. However have said that, when the cereal is running low and it will clearly not last until the next weekly shop, he doesn't bother to write it on the shopping list, and then has the cheek to ask, "Is there anymore museli anywhere?" These days my simple reply being "Did you write it on the shopping list?" Sadly this week, i gave in and pointed out to mum how much museli was left, but i doubt it would have lasted another week had i not got another bag last night. It does make me feel less guilty about picking out all the raisins when i top the box up though!

Before he leaves he picks up his freshly made roll, and manages to find a yogurt from the fridge (although if they are not in the same place as usual, he has a problem (like selective hearing i think) with his eyes that means he is incapable of looking that little bit further. He also manages to find his way into the lounge and locate the fruit bowl, which again is clearly on display, and selecet a couple of pieces of fruit.

So when they get home from work, and then mum starts dinner. Wait. Actually, lets stop right there and make that point. Mum is always the one who starts making dinner, no initiative from him at all. In fact last night i thought it was strange that is was almost 7pm and mum hadn't even started cooking, as we normally aim to co-ordinate our timings so that we eat at 7pm. I wasn't too worried, as i had made my salad and got my bread out ready to go with my dressed crab, which i had picked up from the reduced counter in Tescos (divine by the way!! more brown meat than white meat.) When i re-entered the lounge i caught mum glance a the clock, then at me with a wry smile. I then understood. She was waiting to see if he was going to get off his backside and do something about dinner. He'd claim he didn't know what was planned or what she wanted as an excuse. Five minutes later mum gave in. He continued to watch TV.

Just because he would have destroyed the beautiful pieces of skate that were planned (not that he even knew that, despite the fact they were right at the front of the fridge), or not had the first clue how to make chunky chips/wedges from a huge potato, or boiled dry the frozen petis pois - Does that then mean that this should stop him from asking what he could do or offering to help? It makes me so so angry. I offer to help mum, but am wary of being told i'm interfering as i have been in the past. I know she's grateful on nights when she's stressed or running late, but i also know that she needn't be running late, if someone else (D) were to start things for her.

I mean she plans the meals, writes the shopping list, cooks the meals, does part of the washing/drying/putting away of the dishes (3 parts to that and 3 people - should be logical). During the week I clean most of the house, i do the weekly shop (either meeting mum to do it jointly, D meeting me at the end to pay or I do it all like yesterday). Mum then cleans the bathroom and changes their bed, cleans their room. He only does things when instructed to, and by then mum is already cross and stressed. She does his washing, which he does manage to put in the linen basket at least i guess. She then irons his clothes (although i know she hates it so i've started doing it some weekends. It helps me weekend stress levels too as a good distraction).

But its the weekend. Mum also works full time and in fact even longer hours because she has slightly further to travel. So i want mum to be able to have time to relax and do the things she wants to do, even if it is just sit down and watch TV or read a book. Mum made the comment last night that if she is to continue to wash, cook and clean for him that she should give up work. Which i whole heartedly agree with - and not just because it would be i had her home all the time!

I've told her to not cook him dinner. That she should cook her own and leave him to sort himself out. And even when she does tell him its down to him she makes it so easy for him. Too easy in my view. For example a ready made quiche/pie, salad and potatoes of some kind. I tell her she's too easy on him. I think she is finally getting to the end of her tether, at least i hope she is. I don't want to hear a blazing row though, i'd rather she made him realise by actions rather than by yelling at him. I suggested that her and I go out to dinner one night. I don't think she thinks i would go through with it, despite saying it about 5 times last night. I have somewhere in mind, i just need to check out the menu to make sure and then i'm going to book it and simply tell her! And i'm going to tell her NOT to make it easy for him. I think she should simply tell him he is going to have to cook his own meal, although i think he'd probably just go down the the fish and chip shop. Maybe i should warn them too and tell them not to serve him!

It just makes me so angry, how much he takes mum for granted. I just wish mum would put her foot down rather than wait til she gets to a state where she feels like she's going to explode. I hate seeing her like that night after night. Oh and of course i forgot she does the cooked breakfast on a sunday and organises the lunch at weekends. It's wearing her down and IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

(and breathe.....)

5 people had something to say about this:

Lola Snow said...

Is tomorrow the appointment? I think you said Tuesday. Good luck Ms Belle, give em hell. You're doing all the right things by making steps to getting help. Life can be good, suzie.

Lola x

Susie said...

weather permitting! ;)

won't know until my nurse calls me, as she's got the furthest to come. With 6-8 inches of snow which is now icy, its uncertain.

Lola Snow said...

Any updates?

Susie said...

Postponed to 10th March due to adverse weather conditions. Thanks for asking though.

Lola Snow said...

That sucketh mucheth. Any news otherwise?

Lola x

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