Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Keeping away from emotional hurt

Now i remember why I've been avoiding the doctors surgery. A simple appointment to get some more cream results in me leaving more distressed than when i went in.

Seeing J was possibly the shortest appointment I've ever had with her. I was still rather dopey from the sleeping tablets that i blocked the morning out with, which unsurprisingly she noticed, and i guessed that kept any emotion away too. I sat there for a moment after she handed me the prescription, praying that i could let out the desperation held inside. Nothing came though until as i was waiting for them to dispense the cream, when i started to feel anxious, wishing they would hurry up so i could get home and breakdown.

Little did i know that there would be more cause for tears. I had my back to her when she called my name to hand me the cream, but even then i recognised the voice which made me turn around to face her faster, almost in disbelief. I was to hug her, cling on and cry. The emotions where certainly there now, however now i was out of the privacy of a consulting room and back out in the public eye.

E had been away due to breast cancer, which i knew but to see her now with sparkling silver hair rather than the rich mahogony that i was used to seeing her with, made it more real. It was always clear that her hair was dyed, as with lots of women but i guess it has regrown back more naturally. It melted my heart to see her and for her to tell me that she was given the all clear at yesterday's mamogram. She is one of the receptionists who has known me since i first started going there regulary about a decade ago. It just hurts to know that her caring, soft, kind voice will always be separated from me by the desk in that reception.

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