Saturday, 16 January 2010

Its just another evening..... why is the fact that mum & D are going out, throwing me into such a panic. In fact so stressed that i have just resorted to a minor fruit attack/binge at 5pm - It'll be dinner time soonish - about an hour away. I, at least, feel full which has calmed me down somewhat but there's still the stress over what i'm going to eat for dinner.

I could go for a sensible meal like jacket potato or i could have something i actually want/prefer/might enjoy instead of feeling like i'm on a strict diet. I'm thinking fish fingers, homemade coleslaw and salad maybe......or i could go for the whole indulgence dinner and get out the blue cheese, some bread and have a cheese ploughmans. MMMmmmm..........*drool* But the fear of what i may eat tomorrow (weekends are a nightmare) and the knowledge of the M&S seafood selection sandwich consumed to day at lunch, i think will put a stop to that idea.

Things have really got to me today. I don't know whether the appetite is real or is just underlying emotions. On our way home from shopping after having had an M&S sandwich for lunch - far less filling than what i'd normally have for lunch - we went into Tescos, i kept heading off to get myself a cereal bar, or just some fruit for a snack because i felt absolutely starving still but the cereal bar was out of the question and i never got the fruit either. In the car i felt like i could cry, i thought at the time because i was hungry and maybe this was the reason. Maybe i was so distressed because i was actually hungry but was so stressed about having to fight the appetite.

Ok my brain has zoned out. Too much thinking today has caused a minor short circuit. And i have no idea where this post is going or if it has reached the destination i intended.

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