Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Untitled

I
Feel.....
  • numb
  • tired
  • exhausted
  • shattered
  • low
  • depressed
  • desperate
  • apathetic
  • hopeless
  • useless
  • worn out
  • worn down by the depressive demon
  • frustrated
Want.....
  • Comfort.
  • relief from these feelings.
  • to stop feeling all together.
  • to be able to sleep and feel safe when i sleep, not afraid of my dreams and how i will wake.
  • or maybe to sleep and not wake up.
  • to be at peace but without causing the ultimate pain to my mother, D and Grandparents.
  • to be at peace without letting down J and K, yet i feel they'd understand that i was then at peace.
  • J to put her arms around me, hold me and let me cry.
  • a rest/break from my mind.
  • to stop comfort eating and have a normal eating pattern.
Hate.....
  • feeling this way.
  • not being able to identify what exactly it is i feel, if i am actually feeling anything at all.
  • my body, weight and shape.
  • having crap mental health inpatient services in my local area.
  • putting mum and D though this.
  • hiding from my grandparents how ill i am again, so nan doesn't worry.
  • the fact that the 2 professionals i trust the most cannot give me the time and support i need. (even though J has asked me to pop in and see her after her surgery next monday again.)

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