Saturday, 15 May 2010

What happened to you?

I bumped into a MH nurse who worked on the PICU when i was down there. Actually at the time she was a mature student nurse. I recall her being so kind & caring, warm and comforting, so i decided not to shy away and avoid her but to say hello.

We talked while she packed & paid for her shopping and continued talking as we walked to our cars. But she wasn't anything like i remember, and now works for the crisis team having qualified. There was no warmth, less compassion, more synicism, firmness and detachment. Is this what happens 6 years after qualifying, or has she just been working with all the other miserable jobs worths at my local MH unit?

She was one of the first to offer me comfort when i was upset, yet now it was as though it was all in my head - Ok, so mental health issues are in your head, but you know what i mean - as though i made it up, and was using my past as a sofa. She was saying about how i had learnt certain behaviours and now depended on them, even if this was subconsciously. Maybe i do or maybe things have changed in the last 6 years and she doesn't know me anymore.

I hope i'm not the person she knew 6 years ago and i hope she's not really turned into the cold person she came across as.

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