Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Damage Control

I want to cause harm, i want to cause damage. Not pain necessarilly - just damage. I want to do the same damage i did in 2006, trouble is i almost killed myself and got myself sectioned in the process. Thinking about it now i actually feel kind of sick, but there is still that part of me that wants to order the stuff i need and go ahead with it.

Or i just dose myself up again and knock myself out to escape the blackness. But this time go away so mum doesn't have to pick up the pieces. It would mean no dilema as to whether to harm or not. No thinking, no contemplating. Just sleep.

No more overeating either. With events of the last week and the tongue ulcer after the seizures my weight has been nicely falling back down to where i'd like it, but the last couple of days the fat cow has been back and i just can't seem to stop the hunger demons. So by self sedation i could forget about that worry too.

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