Tuesday, 7 September 2010

They just don't leave you alone do they?

Once psychologists get in your head, they just won't leave you alone. Even when you are asleep!

Last night's "sleep" consisted of 3 dreams at least, one containing a school trip on a miniture train & a forest, although then we seemed to end up at the sea side in a town. I can't really remember clear details of any of them, but then that could be classed as a good thing because it means it wasn't so terrifying & gruesome that they have stuck in my mind (i can still see clear images of dreams from last week because part were more like a horror movie!) but then its also a bad thing because my mind over even more active than when i normally dream - i can't recall a night when there's been 3 dreams, 2 maybe but not 3 scenarios. There was also something about me trying to drive and someone had put hellium birthday balloons on my car and i only realised they were there when i started driving and they started popping!

The last one was about a party in this temporary house, the place was a tip yet i still managed to find some Baby Bel to eat......and then somewhere along the lines i became the hero after i caught the granny of the family as she started falling down the stairs. I caught her and then carried her down to the sofa. It then seemed to turn later into the local post office, there was a bit about sports cars outside and then i went in to the post office and was served by a young girl (she was actually the girl who works in the cafe in the village near the PO, and she's the biggest stuck up bitch ever. i really do not like her) who then tried to charge me for items that already had stamps on them!!

The middle scenario that feels most upsetting was where i was seeing TP (this is what i mean by then never leave you alone) and he came to the conclusion that my mental state and mental health issues plus the headaches and heartburn (which i did suffer a lot yesterday) were due to a physical health issue, he asked me if i had been checked for this condition and we then seemed to then go to the hospital where a nice doctor took my blood & asked me questions. I had changed into a hospital gown and it seemed like i was really ill, and i was left in this hospital bed to wait. They both eventually came back and confirmed that i had this blood condition which was causing all my problems, the depression and headaches too.

I don't really remember much after that dream - maybe that was when i woke up choking with a really dry throat. What has stuck in my mind is him. Do i feel guilty for cancelling that last appointment? Why should i? And anyway the TP in the dream was far more friendly and human rather than the TP i've been seeing. I'm not saying he was a total robot psychologist & non-human but in the dream he felt more like RSA, my previous psychologist who was also male - so its not even like a female/male thing. OR maybe it was the fact that he found a cause, a reason for everything i have felt, which in reality there still isn't and probably never will be.

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