Thursday, 7 May 2009

mummy i'm sorry...

for yelling

for crying

for not telling you how i really feel

that i can't make you understand my feelings and emotions

for failing you

for disappointing you

for screwing up constantly

for being a burden

for being so dependant

for being so clingy

for limiting your life

for causing you so much stress

for not coping.

I'm sorry if i do something impulsive and damaging in the near future but i really can't take this. i'm getting closer and closer to the edge. and i know how much it will hurt you but other than you no-one seems to give a shit as to how much this is destroying me.

i;m fat, i look like i'm pregnant, i can't stop eating and i really just want out of this life. i love you so much. in fact i'm almost angry at you for being around and being alive because you are the one thing that stops me from finding that way out when i really want to. but i don't know how long i can continue crying constantly for. its too distressing and i can't carry on like this. please let me out of this life and free me from my mind.

3 people had something to say about this:

Seeker said...

Ring the Samaritans. Talk to them - it will help, I promise you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Susie said...

Hi seeker,

sorry if i worried you.

I think i am stronger than i think these days but my past is just a constant reminder about what i have been capable of.

i have called them in the past on many occasions but not for a while.

sometimes i just need to get things off my chest, and for some reason even though it's anonomous and i don't know any of my readers, it helps to know that someone else knows whats going through my head.

thank you for the thoughts and prayers.


Seeker said...

You did worry me, yes! Glad you realise you are stronger than you think though!

I certainly understand about using a blog to get things off your chest anonymously....... I do it myself!

Take care.


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