Saturday, 23 May 2009

Busy Busy Busy

I seem to have hit one of the phases where i don't seem to have the energy to post. Where even typing seems like too much effort even though it just involves moving my fingers and nothing else!

Work is picking up again, and i have worked more hours this week than i have done since i worked as a healthcare assistant, athough that was full time, however the part time jobs since then haven't clocked up this many hours in a week. But then with this job its a bit hit and miss, for instance, this next week i'm not working at all.

I know my boss was right not to let me back to work when i first went to see him again once there was work available again, when i was at my lowest weight and maybe it was partly that which caused the eating. Whatever caused it i think it was a subconscious thought because i don't recall ever thinking anything in particular when i started, other than "mmmm.....this bread pudding tastes good!"

Talking of bread pudding, i passed a stall at a farmers market yesterday with lots of bread pudding and do you know i didn't feel any kind of urge or craving to buy any at all. However i think the cravings have moved onto another thing - yogurt coated dried fruit. yesterday i bought 100g yogurt banana chips, 100g yogurt apricot pieces and 50g yogurt ginger and by the time i got home there was only half the apricot bag left..... My excuse? i was further from home than usual. I'm not sure whether this is a good thing or not, but i then didn't have lunch yesterday. But this wasn't because i didn't feel i deserved it, as it would have been in the past, i didn't actually want lunch. i didn't feel hungry! So good in that sense i guess but bad in the sense that like a small child i had snacked too much and then didn't want my meal. But at least the hunger signals seem to be back in order.

On the down side i seem to have developed an issue with fluid retention, which can apparently be an issue linked with refeeding syndrome. But i don't want to see M or K and then thursday M gave K my mobile number without asking me so now i'm even more pissed off!

I don't think my concentration is very good either right now. Not due to low mood, more due to a manic 'i must keep moving whilst things are going well' type feeling. I have got distracted from this post and now i've lost my flow. Never mind nearly breakfast time, despite having already eaten a small handfull of grapes, 2 rices cakes with ginger preserve, 100g chopped dates and a small muller light yogurt - but hey i've been up since 5.30am and its now 7.30am. You really expect me to go 2 whole hours without eating??!! When you think about it a few weeks ago i would have had 2 huge bowls of cereal by now and other bits.

the sun is shining and mum and i are off out walking today, while D goes to an exhibition. i doubt he'll get his 10,000 steps! I expect mum and i will probably double that at least! Walking seems to be the best exercise right now whilst my muscles are still very weak. I tried running the other day, not something i can manage for long periods, but then i had already done 6 hours at work!

Must remember the sun tan lotion!

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