Friday, 1 May 2009

Midnight Snack

I've had that bingeing feeling for the last 24 hours now. it was worse last night but that was because i was fighting it. it was whole cakes, whole pizzas, whole easter eggs etc etc in my thoughts last night.

ok so the whole cake didn't happen but cake did and more than one slice. (2 bread pudding and one carrot cake)

and then a bagel and then dinner out at the pub (2 small/starter plates - nachos and thai crab cakes) and then i was still hungry when i got home so i tried cereal to fill me up with extra raisins and a banana, but then about 1/2 dozen mini chocolate bars "happened" in between and then i thought i'd see if savoury would shut my brain up, which it did but only after the 2nd slice with edam cheese on it......

that all finished about 11 pm. it's now 1.30am and i feel like i haven't slept at all. Despite still being a bit bloated i still feel hungry so have opted for a cereal bar. is it good to eat when you wake like this?

but i still feel i want more

what do i do?

mind you i don't know how long it will be before i freak out again and restrict again. i just wish i could sleep.

the cereal bar has helped but i feel like i want some more. i'm tempted for a small bowl of cereal with raisins and a glass of milk too.

I'm just praying mum doesn't wake and come down. I almost feel to tired to be ashamed right now though. And too sad and fed up with all this to care. But maybe it would show her how desperate i am. Tought bit is getting the cereal and pouring it silently....i managed the cereal bar out of the box though. Only one way to find out i guess.

More sneaking around. Oh no. D's started snoring, thats bound to wake mum up!

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