Monday, 7 September 2009

Why can't i stop?

Is it

  • boredom?
  • tiredness?
  • thirst?
  • stress?
  • loneliness?
  • screwed up body signals?
  • depression?
  • or true hunger?

why can't i stop eating?!

I get up and i feel hungry. I eat breakfast, kind of, with couple of extras & go to work. I wish away for the hours and look forwards to lunch time, but then lunch time never seems to end because the hunger never goes away..... I will the time away so its dinner time & i can stop trying to be good, sticking to low calorie snacks (dutch crisp bakes, fruit & mini milks!) and have a full meal. If i ate something higher calorie every time i was hungry, then my fear over going overweight really will turn into a reality, if it isn't already!

I'm too scared to know what i weight & am comtemplating a blind weigh in on wednesday, but then i'm also so scared i've gone overweight. I want to know and make sure i'm not still gaining weight. Not that i seem to have enough energy yet to do anything much if i am, & since this weekend all i've felt like i've wanted to do is comfort eat, things aren't looking too positive. Last night i went to bed to watch shooting stars on BBC iplayer......with a small pack of cadburys chocolate buttons!

5 people had something to say about this:

Anonymous said...

I'm commenting because I read your blog a lot:) I used to blog but realised that I can talk a lot of bullshit and pretend that I was helping myself- however, that's my mess and I bury my head in the sand a lot, or drink it away, party it out of me or slice myself into thinking that i'm ok! I have been in EXACTLY the same situation as you- reading your stuff, could have written it myself, the way it was for me for a couple of years, til bout 11 months ago. Stuff changed with a new twist... it DOES change. However, I guess I wanted to just leave a comment and although I have been no help at all (apologies, i'm often a let-down) also just wanted to let you know that I KNOW how it is for you. And I hope you survive this shit out,really. X

Susie said...

Hi anon,

Sometimes blogging is a help in itself. Its a way of writing things down and getting them out of your head, then that can be a therapy & could help you.

I'm glad things have improved for you & i hope they continue to.

take care,


Anonymous said...

I'm creating a new blog tonight... this time, for blatanthonesty and the gruesome truth type stuff. I think it does help, getting it out.I became embarrassed to write due to my in-consistency though- you know, the bi-polar and unpredictability of eating disorders.... And that made me feel paranoid, unworthy and a bit fake, even though it wasn't at all like that.Was like i couldn't quite get across what I wanted...? However, definately gonna give it another go...Cheers Suzie. Xx

Anonymous said...

I have to echo anon on this one. I went through the ravenous hunger and speedy gain thing for a while, and still have little bouts. But usually only after I've panicked about my weight and restricted heavily for a few days. You know what I'm going to say about having a light lunch etc, so I'll not say it! Hang in there matey. It really really does get better.

Lola x

Susie said...

i know lola, i just wish it would be over quickly. my weight had gone up and despite feeling like a hippo i have to try and remind myself that i still fit into a size 10 and have a BMI of almost 22. I just wish it felt that way too.


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