Thursday, 12 August 2010

Please don't leave now.

Just when i'm falling apart, my stupid obsessive googling makes me panic more.

I saw M today & just decided to put her into google...... How many people with M's full name can there be working for my area's NHS mental health trust? The headline of the article i found says

"specialist nurse appointed to deliver dementia care in [my area]"

The opening line of the article which was published on July 9th 2010 then says

"Dr M, who has more than 20 years experience in the NHS....."

well i know she does lots of study along side work, as she has study days often & sometimes mentions assignments that are overdue, so she could have a PHD and be a doctor.

I'm so worried now that i'm going to lose someone who has been a major support to me over the last 3 years. She hasn't mentioned anything, and i would have thought would have by now if she were leaving. I don't think she'd leave it until the last minute to say anything because i'm sure she'd know how i'd react.

Me and my stupid obsessiveness with the internet. The internet is bad for you. Google is damaging.

I can't cope with out knowing M is there at the moment, even if i don't call her in the mean time (mainly because there is nothing she could do anyway if i called in a crisis) - i still know that we have an appointment in a weeks time. Its the reassurance i need right now.

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