Friday, 12 November 2010

Nightmares (gets horror movie style at the end)

I was so pleased to be woken up by mum closing my door to this morning. I felt trapped in the last part of the nightmare. It was as though i was aware of them moving around next door but i couldn't escape the nightmare which was just about to develop into a horror movie.

From when i remember, it started with being on a ship or ferry or some kind of boat, which capsized and sunk with us inside. Must have got out though, not sure how, don't really remember the end of that dream.

Then there was something about going to a theatre with mum. That seemed harmless, nothing nasty there.

The next bit was back to the hospital setting. I seemed to be coming back off leave, except i wasn't allowed to go to my room on my own & was followed by 2 members of staff. My room had be turn upside down by builders but in the process they had broken a chocolate figure i had (something i was keeping as an ornament, not planning on eating) & it was now a headless figure. I started to lose my temper and look round the rest of the room which was filthy. The toilets hadn't been flushed, there had been a rabbit living in the room & there was straw & rabbit poo everywhere. It was a shit hole basically.

I then seemed to be outside the ward & saw a bloke i knew, he was with 3 others getting out of a car & rushing to a house. I stopped one of the other guys & asked him if i could go with them, he told me he didn't think i really wanted to do that. It seemed to dawn on me that they were about to go & section someone. I asked this other guy if i knew him, is said he worked at Goldsmith (which i appeared to know as a secure unit across the other side of the county) but he also said that he met me when i was there. I told him i hadn't been an inpatient there, however he told me other wise. At that point my words were "Oh shit" and i remember thinking "How many other places have i been or been sectioned to and remember nothing about?"

Now comes the horror movie bit

The row of houses that they were going into was an area of supported housing for those with severe learning difficulties. This then changed to one house in the countryside where a mother had got her daughter with Downs Syndrome to lure this young girl to their house with the help of another lad. In the back garden there was a bridge over a large pond, but it seemed to be moving towards us (i seemed to be there just as an observer) & the disabled girl had a large piece of paper which she fed through this machine that was attached to the underside of the bridge. It cut this paper into thinner slices, a bit like a meat slicer. I could see the young lured girl standing in front of his bridge unaware as it was coming towards her, i could see what was going to happen, i felt like i was screaming inside for it to stop & although i'd already imagined what had happened, i didn't see it happen in the dream, which at least felt like it wasn't so real and graphic.

Which was why i sprang out of bed this morning and now an hour later have filled myself with caffeine tablets, painkiller, a light breakfast & am now going to go to the gym and start a 3 hour exercise session. 1000 calories here we come!

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