Monday, 5 July 2010

Place your bets please!

So my 2 weeks family holiday is nearly here. I am more stressed than ever, struggling to keep control every minute of every day.

There are so many fears about it that i can't keep track of them all, and from one thing leads another. It just seems to be spiralling.

Needless to say though food & exercise rank highly on my list of worries. Well wouldn't you if you were in a different country, staying with family, in a country that has a reputation for huge appetites and obesity (even more so than the UK)?

M said the last few weeks i've walked in and she's thought i've looked like i've lost wieght - except i've either stayed the same or gained slightly. She's at a loss as to what is going on, especially given my exercise levels & that on average i'm undereating by about 2 days each week.

So i challenged her to take a guess at what i will be in 3 weeks time (2 weeks away for me and the 1 for her) but i will have at least a week back at the gym after my 2 weeks away before my next weigh in with her. So it may turn out that she actually wins the bet (both our weight ranges are written in her diary on the date of our next appointment) in which case i will own her a souvenir from my holiday - i did say i'd keep it if i won the bet, but i know i'll give it to her whatever. Her guess ranges from 2 kg below my current weight to 1kg gain. Where as i am saying i'll gain at least 2kg.

I am trying my hardest to lose as much as i can before i go, just in case i turn into a hippo whilst i'm away.

I guess i had better pack my suitcase...... or i could continue to put it off..... pretending it's not that close & continue spending my energy trying to hold myself instead. A night without bad dreams/nightmares would help too - for the past 3 nights i have been detained in a hospital setting in my dreams. Not sure if that is better than dreaming about being sectioned & the crazee catchers coming to my house to get me, or not. Either way, i wake up feeling as shitty & tired as i did when i went to sleep.

If i disappear for more than 2 weeks, don't be suprised. I am fully expecting a major fallout/breakdown in the near future.

3 people had something to say about this:

The Woollen Typist said...

Ouch ouch ouch...I am totally on the same boat as you with the holiday issue. I'm off to the Middle East to visit family (for five whole bloody weeks...and two days!) in around three weeks time.
I'm dreading it...the food...the constant comments...and the uncertainty of everything given how things are at the moment. :(

I really wish you all the best with your holiday.

Angi xx:)

Susie said...

i hope it goes well for you too Angi. Have you looked up and mental health charities where you are going. Do they have things like we do in the UK when it comes to mental health?

The Woollen Typist said...

Thanks. I plan to NOT end up anywhere medical related where I'm going...especially when it comes to mental health.
I'm going to instead take a lot of things to do for five weeks to keep myself distracted and busy.

The attitudes towards mental health and eating disorders are very different there...they like to keep things hidden/not admit to things. They have a very gossipy culture there and I'd hate to be on the receiving end of it...hence why even the anti-depressants will have to be gulped in private. :S

 
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