She's still here.....

.....but what do i say to her?

The former counsellor who told me i could call her if i ever needed anything, as a friend, definately does still live in the village. Although i haven't seen her for a long time, not only did the phone number that i thought was hers, appear in the local magazine but also her name. It just felt like a huge relief. A relief that someone i have always felt so safe around and have safe, secure memories of, is still around.

I want to call her. I want to check her address, I still have this feeling she's moved but kept the same number. I want to send her a christmas card and reconnect with her. I guess i'm praying she'll contact me back, maybe ask if we want to meet for a coffee/tea etc.

Am i being unrealistic? Am i reading too much into a possible friendship? One that was suggested about 3 years ago at least...... I keep thinking though that the longer the length of time since there was the a counsellor/client relationship between us, then the more chance there is of a friendship.

I have one small problem there though. I haven't really had any friends since i was at school. I don't think i know how to sit and have a drink and talk about normal things. Every day is filled with some kind of drama, dilema or mental melt down at some time, that i focus so hard on managing those issues and therefore don't feel like i know how to hold a normal conversation unless there is a specific topic to discuss.

If i worry about trying to hold a normal coversation for more than 10 minutes with her then what hope is there for me ever having a social life?