"Dare to be Normal"

K asked me today what will happen when the time comes that i am expected to live a normal life. So it seems now my mood has lifted a bit and i'm eating enough, that this means i'm ok.

i walked back feeling like i could quite happily go home and either OD or slash my arms to bits. Not thoughts i want to go back to. I had to bring myself back from the edge of compulsive actions and remind myself how disappointed mum would be. I just felt so angry.

Then of course i got home and wanted to comfort eat. Stuck to a banana, finished the bag of fruit mix and have just had a bowl of cereal. i wanted to go down to the tea room for a huge slice of cake, stopping off for a couple of chocolate bars at the co-op. I must remember COMFORT EATING WILL NOT HELP! Am still hungry though. Another bowl of cereal should shut the brain up. I fancy branflakes and a banana now. Tearoom has closed by now (4.30pm) anyway. i think i shall be going out to buy more milk tomorrow. Think i should get a 2 pint of skimmed for mum and especially me the rate i'm getting through it.

Oh and the sore throat is due to an ulcer there. I'm guessing the scratch from the baguette a week ago turned into the ulcer. The one from the weekend under my tongue is taking its time to heal too. oh well my own fault i guess, malnutrition was going to take its toll somewhere and apparently the lining of the mouth is very quick to lose its condition.

Now where's that cereal...........