"Fancy Meeting Me for Lunch One Day This Week?"

Dear Mum,

I wish i could say yes. In my heart i want to say yes. I hate letting you down, disappointing you but my fear rules my head. I'm barely allowing myself lunch at home, but then i guess that is down to the fact of the stupid little snacks i end up having, like yesterday's incident of picking out most of the raisins from your cereal and also sneakily slicing an edge off the chocolate tart you had leftover in the fridge.

The thought of a Belgique Platter between us, is something i can see myself doing in my head and in my dreams but in reality.........

If we were out together and you insisted that we eat out then it would happen but when i'm given the slightest chance to back out and take the restricted home option i will. When we do eat out, i manage and always find something to chose. And although i can't tell you, each time we're out, i secretly pray that you will say we're eating out.

I love you but.....

Oh "but" what? i know i'm making excuses and being weak and pathetic and there's nothing i can say to justify it. Maybe i'll find the guts to meet you on friday. Something tells me i'll find another excuse. Telling you i've got lots of washing today is as bad as a girl telling a guy that she's washing her hair.

Oh mummy,

I'm sorry.


xx