The stress hasn't gone away like M said - but then i'm not there yet.
I'm in the airport lounge where breakfast is provided in the form of a cold buffet - cereals, fruit, yogurt & mini pastries.
I started fine with some fruit & yogurt and a little museli. Back for more fruit......then the mini pastries got the better of me - all this waiting is winding me up. Mum & D are still with us, and i think Mum has mentioned to Nan about my overeating when my stress levels rise (although i'm sure thats not the way she will have put it!)
I had 2 of the mini croissants and then went for a 3rd, at which point mum tiold me off and told me to stop. Nan replied that i'd be fine once we got there - but i don't think i will. Laying in bed last night i was trying to convince myself that i wasn't going to eat a thing - and that it was the only way.
Perhaps i need a few more of those appetite suppressant tablets i got online - not that i'm convinced they do anything anyway!
There will be food on the plane....... i'm sure the family at the destination will be good hosts and offer as much as i like.....
All i want is to go home....back to the gym & back to my safe routine.
we've been at the airport for 3 hours now & i want to go home already.
M sent me a text last night - "Bon Voyage. Enjoy every minute" Cue floods of tears yet again.
I wish i could for nan's sake. but instead i spent the rest of the time trying to get to sleep, thinking about what may happen when i get home & how the stress is going to manifest itself - so long as it doesn't happen while i am away - i don't really care what happens when i get back any more.
I just want this over.
Homophobia kills
8 years ago
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I'm not entirely sure if this is what you are getting at, but even when I am very restrictive, but not as in control of when I get to eat, I get afraid that I will never get to eat. It's weird, it seems like I should relish this excuse not to eat (it is out of my control, therefore okay), but it scares me. I try to remind myself that my family needs to eat, too (this usually happens on family roadtrips) and that they will stop when they need to, but it doesn't quell my anxieties.
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