Untitled

I

Feel.....

• numb
• tired
• exhausted
• shattered
• low
• depressed
• desperate
• apathetic
• hopeless
• useless
• worn out
• worn down by the depressive demon
• frustrated

Want.....

• Comfort.
• relief from these feelings.
• to stop feeling all together.
• to be able to sleep and feel safe when i sleep, not afraid of my dreams and how i will wake.
• or maybe to sleep and not wake up.
• to be at peace but without causing the ultimate pain to my mother, D and Grandparents.
• to be at peace without letting down J and K, yet i feel they'd understand that i was then at peace.
• J to put her arms around me, hold me and let me cry.
• a rest/break from my mind.
• to stop comfort eating and have a normal eating pattern.

Hate.....

• feeling this way.
• not being able to identify what exactly it is i feel, if i am actually feeling anything at all.
• my body, weight and shape.
• having crap mental health inpatient services in my local area.
• putting mum and D though this.
• hiding from my grandparents how ill i am again, so nan doesn't worry.
• the fact that the 2 professionals i trust the most cannot give me the time and support i need. (even though J has asked me to pop in and see her after her surgery next monday again.)