Cancellation Time

I am finally, after about 8 sessions, going to pluck up courage and cancel an appointment with TP. I think i have finally reached my limits. After last sessions loss of time and the response (or lack of) that i got about that issue this week has made me decide to put a stop. Seems kind of silly as it is the final assessment session before a shared meeting between me, mum, D, TP & Dr L (which i am not totally intending to attend, although as far as i know no-one's officially told us of this meeting), in 3 weeks time.

Anyway after last week, all the previous outbursts after sessions & then his comments saying he wasn't sure whether the sessions were the right thing for me & his questioning of whether i wanted to turn up for the final session - I've decided, after having bought something to stop the tears and regain control that i'm not going to let them control me - any of them. I don't want to do sessions for mum anymore.

I don't care about damage right now. I'm angry at TP for not telling me much about what went on last week, but i want to scream and shout at the top of my lungs how awful i feel. But i can't do that without upsetting or worrying others, so it will have to be our little secret.

I still feel bad about not wanting my life, but sat there today i wanted it even less. Alone in that room with him i could be honest, i didn't have to pretend which meant i could let go, but back in the real world i came home to find D already home, which meant i had to grab some things out of my room and leave the house, but with no appointments with the nurse and very little first aid kit left..............oh it turned into a failed (mini) mess. There's always tomorrow though - when i will NOT fail.