Fathers Day

K once asked me who i would rather have walk me down the aisle (theoretically) - without pausing i said D......

I feel guilty but the stress of dealing with how i feel or don't feel about my fathers outweighs the guilt feelings whenever i am in contact with him.

A current email asked me to go and stay with him, his wife & the kids for a long weekend at his villa in Spain in August...........i haven't seen him in years. Staying with people who are practically strangers in a foreign country, when i don't travel more than 10 miles from home (or at least not without either mum, D or to visit my grandparents) and only go to places i know (i.e gym, college & local shops) and especially with these particular people is a ridiculous idea.